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| Not a day goes by I don't wish I had you, so in a way I'm glad you're still here. It's a bittersweet victory-lovin' the ghost in front of me. Even if I knew what to say to you, it’s just too late to make you stay. I’m sick of fighting this broken fate, but someone else gets to tell you you’re beautiful. Sleep well darling. Wherever you are, I hope you’re happy tonight, and maybe you’ve found someone to love you right. Sleep well darling, I’m desperate to say now I need you more than ever. But, all I can say was good night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are there, in everything I am, in everything I've ever done, and looking back, I know that I should have told you how much you've always meant to me. 
Now I can't laugh, can't cry, and I can't run, can't hide. You get used to the pain, and numb to the sting til you can't feel anything.
The sun is going to shine and the rain is going to fall. In the end you might get burnt or wet, but that's life. So dance in the puddles and bathe in the sun. At the end of the day, smile. Everything is going to be alright.You never knew the last time you were seeing someone. You didn't know when the last argument happened, or the last time you had sex, or the last time you looked into their eyes and thanked God they were in your life. After they were gone? That was all you thought about. Day and night. Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize nothing really belongs to them You’ll get over it… It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to? Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. There is an ache in my heart for the imagined beauty of a life I haven't had, from which I had been locked out, and it never goes away. Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. 
In time, in time they tell me, I'll not feel so bad. I don't want time to heal me. There's a reason I'm like this. I want time to set me ugly and knotted with loss of you, marking me. I won't smooth you away. I can't say goodbye.
It sucks that we miss people like that. You think you've accepted that someone is out of your life, that you've grieved and it's over, and then bam. One little thing, and you feel like you've lost that person all over again. The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. I couldn't escape you and I didn't want to. You tortured me, but it was better than losing you. Less is less. Heartbreak is heartbreak. You think I'm sitting here gloating. Telling myself that my suffering beats yours? Hurt is hurt. You don't measure these things. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
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| I will never regret you or say that I wish I'd never met you because once upon a time you were exactly what I needed. Even though we know we shouldn't love them, we do and always will, because there are just a small number of people in this world who will "get" us for reasons we can't explain, even when they shouldn't. Without him, I didn't feel the simplicities in the world anymore. The sky was just the sky, and I was just a girl, and without him, neither seemed quite as exquisite and beautiful. 
After all is said and done, I still think you're amazing. I still cherish every moment I spent with you, every smile you brought to my face. I'll be forever thankful that someone like you was brought into my life, even if you had to be taken away too soon. See you were my miracle. You were the fairytale I got to live. It's the constant reminder of what I can and cannot have. The smell, the taste-it's all just fake. The truth is all I lack. So I will keep on running, and keep my head above the ground, and I will search for you in places that you cannot be found. 
I do not want to think about you walking towards me or taking me to places I have never been. I do not want to think about you at night, when no one is thinking of me. I do not want to love you, so I am giving you to the other girls; they can have you and the sun that smiles down on you. They can have you and the sky that opens for you, they can have you, and they can keep you. Sometimes patience has nothing to do with it, and sometimes, no matter how much you tough it out, you're not supposed to, and the pieces will absolutely not fall where you fucking want them to. You not only find beauty in yourself, but you find beauty in another person. Knowing that other person sees that same thing in you, well it's astonishing. 
Somewhere, things must be beautiful and vivid. Somewhere else, life has to be beautiful and vivid and rich. Not like this muted palette- a pale blue bedroom, washed out sunny sky, dull green yellow brown of the fields. Here, I know every twist of the road, every blade of grass, every face in this town, and I am suffocating. I think we spend too much time wondering why we're not good enough. We spend too much time overanalyzing, overthinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don't ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day.
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You once described me as all the things I couldn't see, got me all caught up in your sweet talking. Then you left me in the rain. Guess you never say what was never there. I used to be a superhero, no one could touch me, not even myself. You are like a phone book that I somehow stumbled into, and now look at me, I'm just like everybody else. Lonely let's me be. For awhile she sets me free. I close my eyes, and I dream of her. She's lost in my arms, her head on my heart. 
We see what we choose, and we choose what we see to believe. No one can say all the things that they feel, without the risk of failure. So keep in my cards close to my heart. All of you I loved from a distance. 
It took twenty years to pick my face up off the floor. I'm not sorry if things aren't the same, but the sleepless nights are hardly worth the cheapness of your game, and if you know what I mean then live for yourself, because life is too short to waste it on somebody else. There was a time, and I swear I cared. I got burned, and now I walk with this fist in the air. "I don't care what they say, they're not the ones who have to live with the pain." I might love you, yeah, but I love me more. Tears are forming in your eyes, a storm is warning in the skies. The end of the world it seems, you bend down, and you fall on your knees. Well get back on your feet, pick up your chin, baby let go of it. | | |
|  GA_googleFillSlot("Home_Unthemed_Skyscraper"); So here's to giving up because it's the fastest road to healing. Even if it isn't exactly the smartest. Every time I meet someone new, I want to start my life completely over, brand new. Just for them. Sometimes people are so nice it hurts. I have been waiting all my life for the right circumstances to change. Well, here it is, and I'm not ready. No, I'm not ready yet. 
I'll take you for who you are if you take me for everything, and do it all over again. It's always the same. I know I should feel guilty, but I don't feel anything for anyone other than you. What you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful. 
I'll write you a song and I hope that you won't mind, because all the names and places I have take from real life. So please don't get upset at this portrait that I paint. It may be a little biased, but at least I spelt your name right. She's bored in a week, big dreams but nothing material, and I refuse to believe that love is for the weak. I said I'm not vulnerable. Hey lady, don't give up on me. Don't burn your heart out love, till we're ash over seas. Hey lady, said I don't wanna fight. Like pretty girls need cowboys, I need you here tonight. 
Tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone. The worst is over, you can have the best of me.
It's your lipstick, it blankets your honest eyes, and your glances only glimpse to all the secrets that you hide. You're so contagious, and I'm longing for your taste, and it's all coming back to me. I’m just dying to know, do you, do you like dreaming of things so impossible? Or only the practical? Or ever the wild? Do you wait through all your bad days just to end them with someone you care about? And do you like making out, and long drives and brown eyes, and guys that just don't quite fit in? Yeah, do you like them? So yes, I'll see you there. 
Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car, and memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts. If I could just speak up I think I would say that there is no truth. There is only you and what you make the truth. 
You crawled into my bed like some sort of giant insect, and I found myself spellbound that night at the sight of you there-beautiful and grotesque. All the rest of you fluttering your way into my mouth, behind my teeth, reaching for my scars. I don't know what I want anymore. All I want to do is listen to music and watch the clouds go by, but that doesn't pay the bills. There are things that I don't have the patience for, and when I go to my room, I leave an open door cause I can't stand to feel alone. When you come around, I'm feeling more at home, and for the longest time, I couldn't love her to save my life. 
Sitting on your bed, head in your hands bending at the knees, your heart on your sleeve loving everything that leaves. The limbo is what kills you-that stage in between love and a sigh that says “I’m through.” 
All of the “I need you's”, consider them lies, because here I am without you. I survived. You dropped the note, and we changed key. You changed yourself, and I changed me. I really didn't see us singing through this. Then you screamed the bridge, and I cried the verse. Our chorus came out unrehearsed, and you smiled the whole way through it. He knows my agony, but next to his happiness what can it mean? It’s like having your health on a spring day when your friend has the flu. You can serve her some chicken soup, bring her flowers, but the blue sky, the birds, the light in the trees, that sense of possibility shining behind her heavy curtains, it makes you want to leave the room where she’s aching, so you do, and you forget all about her. 
When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender, surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another, and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another. Climbing up an apple tree, she's swaying with the sky, and soon her worries are left behind. It's easier to move on because up here, she can't see his arms open wide.

Looking back on when I started, I had a lot of sun and a lot of rain. I had some joy and broken hearted, but now that doesn't mean a thing. I'm living for the joy and laughter, longing for my befores and afters. All in all it's been cool and there's nothing I wouldn't do. I'm so happy being me. I try not to think about the flaws we discover in people we thought we could count on. It's so much easier to keep things flat and simple, to live in a myth or fairy tale. Because when it comes to you, she's just like any other young girl in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow, but I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're going to have to. I know you care about her. I just hope you care enough. 
Please. Just this once, let me be strong. No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright. No, you don't know what it's like to be like me. 
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I'm always on my way to somewhere else. Searching high and low to find myself, stuck on that highway between here and there. I could be anywhere. You're like the eye of a hurricane. You are a constant in a world of change. You are the calm in the storm when life gets strange. So we laid flat on our backs because in the rain no one knows you're crying. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I miss those songs we used to sing, talking like getting away would be the greatest thing. You're what keeps me believing this world's not dead. 
Sometimes there is nothing to be said. Sometimes nothing should be said. I just want to find someone who won't run away. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me its okay that things don't always go right. That this is how life works, and how it will always work. That it's not going to be easy-today, tomorrow, the next day, but it will somehow get better. I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything, so I don't, but inside of me there are words waiting to come out and tell you how I feel, like how I miss you. How I love you despite my broken heart and how I need you in my life, and especially how much I want you, but those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too, but I'll never know. You were everything I ever wanted, and I was so close to having you, but being close doesn’t mean you have it. It’s just something to tease you into believing you can achieve it. It’s letting you fight as hard as you can for it, and when you’ve almost grasped it, it disappears and you’re left with nothing. You cry and you cry, beg and pray, but it doesn’t come back. You were so close, but you lost it. Nothing will ever be the same. You know that if you had just pushed a little harder, you would’ve had it. The pain of being so close hurts more than having it and losing it, because you never got the chance to have it at all. 
I feel like I've tried for so long to be happy, and the more I try, the more that goal slips from my reach. It's almost like quicksand where the more you struggle, the more submerged you become. I've given up on everything. Nothing matters to me anymore. Especially myself. The part of my life that matters least to me is myself, because I'm no one and I always have been. Fuck you, and fuck dreams. If I hadn't dreamt about you last evening I wouldn't have thought about you endlessly today. I wouldn't have wondered how you were doing, and if I'd be seeing you soon. I wouldn't have given you a second thought because I've got my brain trained now. When you approach my thoughts, I close my eyes and force sleep. 
You had me. You had me three months ago and you left. It has nothing to do with me. It’s about you, and it’s always with you – what you need, and what you want. You know, it seems that you only want me when you can’t have me. You like the chase and that’s all. So you know what? You can have it. I want something to wake up for every morning. It doesn't have to be someone, but I'd like it to be. It just needs to exist. I want to stop disappointing people, because I want to stop disappointing myself. I want to stop making friends with the right kind of people who make me feel wrong. I want to find a passion for anything, anything to keep me going. I want to be the girl at the end of the movie who does the half smile, and knows everything will be fine. I want total honesty to be easier to achieve. I want to end my life as myself - not my friends, not my family, and not who they always expected I would be. I want equality to exist among everyone. Especially prejudiced teenage girls. I want stress and exhaustion to disappear. I want to achieve everything they never did. I know things haven't gone like you planned, and for that I'm partly to blame. You didn't want to fall in love, not yet, cause you've still got so many dreams to chase, and love is a double edged sword. It lets you walk through life feeling content, but that's a feeling you say you can't afford, and you'd be better off being lonely again. 
The season, the weather, it's like you but better because rain washes your sins away. It leaves me here without a trace, and as I hide into the things I used to do, I try to get a grip on you beause there's nothing else to do. I'm taking all the right turns on the wrong roads, and none of them are going to lead me home. 
If you turn it on you'd find I've written you a thousand times. You would do anything, you'd give up everything for God knows why. I just can't stay till your gone. I won't wish you well, I won't see you off. I won't try to call. If I see you in my mind, I'll say to you, it's not your fault. I know you have it hard sometimes. Don't let the bad things rule your life. Sit back and watch your life take flight. 
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